So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
