Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
