There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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