Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
