Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
