Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
