She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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