I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
