Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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