My room smells like vodka and shame
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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