so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
