i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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