I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
