last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
