I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
