Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
