I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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