I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
