I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
