I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
