I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize