I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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