we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
