I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
