Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
where are you?
Hypothermia
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize