She is in my trunk
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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