Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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