it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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