90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
