her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
