The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My feet surprised me
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
