My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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