walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
