worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
being pregnant is like rehab
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
