if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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