A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
