did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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