bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
