I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
