just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
whose parrot is this?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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