Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
