I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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