So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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