Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
"it" just moved
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he thought i was a dude.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i think my cat just said my name.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
