Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
