dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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