We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
