i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize