If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
