just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
