Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Shame - the story of my life.
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