ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
