if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
