Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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