ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
