He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
