nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
