last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Alive.
So much puke
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
