So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
