so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
