when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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