Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
