I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
