I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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