u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
