she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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