i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
