just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize