so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
