We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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