he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
