Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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