i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
