I smell stomach acid.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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