Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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