The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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