Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
