I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
