Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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