I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
