Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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