i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
