You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I puked a lego.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
