I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
