how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My breath smells like gin and sadness
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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