Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
