First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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